i crashed today. push and crash isn’t a cycle i enjoy.
i’d been doing so well this week too.
heading out of the city on a train by myself didn’t seem like a good plan, so i caught one with boys and stayed over.
woke up like death. went back to bed. woke up still like death. didn’t want to worry him so i faked feeling fine. took a nap. still felt like death.
let me make this very clear, this is is no way hungover death. this is death by fatigue. i would have rather been hung over.
i wanted to see my best friend today. i wanted to and out like the 4 of us used to…but not only did i know at least 2 of them would call my bluff once they took one look and me but also that i wouldn’t have then made it through work tonight, which i struggled with emensly anyway.

i hate this. i hate letting people down. i hate running on empty all the time. i just want to be healthy again.

and i hate that just because all the visible symptoms are gone, everyone thinks i’m better when i’m almost getting worse.